written by Patrick Marber
Anna: Why are you dressed?
Larry: Because I think you might be about to leave me and I don't want to be wearing a dressing gown. ...I slept with someone in New York. A whore. I'm sorry.
Anna: Why did you tell me?
Larry: I couldn't lie to you.
Anna: Why not?
Larry: Because I love you.
(She walks away to sit down on a chair--long pause.)
Anna: It's fine.
Larry: Really? Why? Something's wrong. Tell me. Are you leaving me? (She nods)Because of this? Why?
(Dan (Jude Law)--whose practical joke resulted in Anna and Larry meeting.)
Larry: "Cupid"? He's our joke.
Anna: I love him.
Larry: You're seeing him, no? (She nods) Since when?
Anna: Since my opening last year. I'm disgusting.
Larry: You're phenomenal. You're so clever.Why did you marry me?
Anna: I stopped seeing him and I wanted us to work.
Larry: Why did you tell me you wanted children?
Anna: Because I do.
Larry: And now you want children with him.
Anna: Yes. (shakes head) I don't know.
Larry: We're happy. Aren't we? (she gives him a look)... You're going to go live with him?
Anna: You can stay here if you want.
Larry: Oh, look, I don't give a fuck about the spoils. You did this to me, the day we met, you let me hang myself for your amusement. Why didn't you just tell me the second I walked through the door?
Anna: I was scared.
Larry: You're a coward, you spoiled bitch! ... Are you dressed because you thought I might hit you? What do you think I am?
Anna: I've been hit before.
Larry: Not by me! Is he a good fuck?
Anna: Don't do this.
(They move into the kitchen.)
Larry: Just answer the question. Is he good?
Larry: Better than me?
Larry: What does that mean?
Anna: You know what it means.
Larry: Tell me.
Larry: I treat you like a whore.
Larry: Why would that be?
Anna: I'm sorry you--
Larry: Don't say it! Don't you fucking say "You're too good for me." I am, but don't say it. You're making the mistake of your life. You're leaving me because you believe you don't deserve happiness but you do, Anna. (beat)... Did you have a bath because you had sex with him? So you wouldn't smell of him? So you'd feel less guilty? How do you feel?
Larry: Did you ever love me?
(She nods, walks over and holds him. He cries in her arms. After a few seconds, he pushes her away and walks away.) (We leave them for a moment to see Daniel (Jude Law) standing in his empty apartment, after being unable to find Alice. When we return to Anna and Larry, a few minutes have passed. It's clear that these minutes have been spent in isolated silence.)
Larry: Did you do it here?
Larry: Why not?
Anna: Do you wish we did?
Larry: Just tell me the truth.
Anna: Yes we did it here.
(She points to a very nice sofa.)
Larry: On this? We had a first fuck on this. Did you think of me? ... When? When did you do it here? ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Anna: This evening.
Larry: Did you come?
Anna: Why are you doing this?
Larry: 'Cause I want to know.
Anna: Yes, I came.
Larry: How many times?
Anna: First he went down on me then we fucked.
Larry: Who was where?
Anna: I was on top then he fucked me from behind.
Larry: And that's when you came the second time.
Anna: God... why is the sex so important?
Larry: Because I'm a fucking caveman! Did you touch yourself while he fucked you?
Larry: You wank for him.
Larry: And he does.
Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do!
Larry: Do you enjoy sucking him off?!
Larry: You like his cock?!
Anna: I love it!
Larry: You like him coming in your face?!
Larry: What does it taste like?!
Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter.
Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.